Dave Barry’s 16 Things
The following list wasn’t written by me… I’m not 40 yet, let alone 50, so it would be all lies if I’d written it and used the title Sixteen Things That It Took Me 50 Years To Learn.
No, this list was put together by some chap called Dave Barry. Well sorta.
The “16 Things It Took Me Over 50+ Years to Learn” list originated back in 1997 as Dave Barry’s “25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years” and has since been pared down to a reordered list of 16 items (some of which were not part of the original, and some of which have been modified).
So here’s what’s left of the original, with add-ons, that landed in my inbox over the weekend.
# You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe day-light-savings time.
# You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
# The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
# The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
# There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 111.
# There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
# People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
# If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
# The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
# If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
# You should not confuse your career with your life.
# A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
# No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
# When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
# Your friends love you, anyway.
# Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and do it.
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