A-Z Guide To Female Names
This A-Z of female names is bound to upset a few readers, in fact quite a few, because you are most likely about to read something unkind I’ve written about your wife, girlfriend, mother, sister…
Don’t take it to heart or too seriously. If I happen to think your other half is a bit easy with the guys at her office, deal with it – dump her. If I say your mama is carrying a few extra pounds, tell the old boiler to go on a diet.
You could just accept the truth like a man but if you really feel the need, vent your anger using the comments section below. You can also add any names that are missing. 
Abby – agony aunt, always willing to explain about your confused sexuality.
Ada – blue haired, smells of pee.
Adele – not only beautiful, but also very sexy.
Adie – quiet and shy, but when you get to know her .. quiet and shy.
Adrianna – eats like a horse yet incredibly scrawny, her girlfriends all hate her.
Aileen – laughs like a demented dog. likes tic tacs.
Alana – pretty and popular, but with very dark secrets.
Alexandra – popular but very loud, sometimes forgets to bathe.
Alice – likes horses but looks like Kermit’s girlfriend.
Alicia – pretty and knows it, watches herself go by in shop windows.
Alison – bra and pants are the same garment, looks better with the light off.
Alix – happiest in a uniform and giving orders, always carries handcuffs.
Alyssa – wants to be ‘exotic’, but only manages to be ‘strange’.
Alyshia – pretty sure that the sun shines out of her arse.
Amanda – I.Q. smaller than her bra size, a good shag, but she does practice a lot.
Amber – stereotypical exotic dancer, not too bright but very flexible.
Amy – Devious, Likes being on top, never stays the night – Not to be trusted. Likes any man not wearing trousers
Amelia – A bit old fashioned, but still a goer.
Anastasia – overly-loud, with delusions of grandeur.
Andrea – Small breasts, small arse, drinks pints and plays a mean game of pool.
Andrina – dark and sultry, pretends she’s a Russian spy.
Angel – face like an angel, mouth like the biker-girl from hell.
Angela – Vain, Hair style more important than oxygen. Usually found hanging around toilets.
Anita – Beautiful girl with perfect hair and a body to die for.
Ann – bone idle, can’t be arsed to put an ‘e’ at the end of her name.
Anna – likes lists, will have to open an instruction manual before she even considers a sexual act.
Annabelle – Doesn’t wear knickers.
Anneliese – seems shy but in reality a serious sexual deviant.
Anneka – Sporty type, in and out of the bedroom.
Annette – She’s BIG, like really BIG!!.
Anne – Looks like a horse, can’t drive.
Anne-Marie – Gorgeous and with a great taste in blokes, has perfectly formed breasts
Annie – Drinks too much, always wakes up next to ugly guys.
Ashlee – Dyslexic and spends all day thinking about secs.
Aubreigh – Strange and mysterious and quite scary in an undefined way.
Audrie – wants to be a lesbian but hasn’t got the bottle, just goes through the motions.
Aurora – Beautiful and sexy, every mans dream but sadly swings the other way.
Azaria – Beautiful and exotic with the brain power of an orchid.
Barbara – Shags like a rabbit, not fussy about appearance. Wears a lot of make up
Bea – Beautiful, sexy, original, but nearly impossible to satisfy in bed.
Beatrice – likes to be put on a pedestal so she can look down on her adoring fans.
Becky – one of the boys, knows all about football and cars, quite tall.
Belinda – Pleasing on the eye, usually has a couple of good points.
Beryl – Repressed alcoholic.
Beth – Empty headed, big breasted, and easy.
Bettina – Dominatrix.
Betty – pretty, sexy, and basically just very hot.
Beverley – Trapped in an eighties time warp.
Bianca – Ginger. big mouth.
Birgit – big scary woman, likes small blokes she can intimidate.
Bonnie – cheerful, but with a darker side that few people see.
Brenda – Big hearted, in fact big everything-ed.
Bridgette – Eats pizzas all day, smokes cigars.
Bridie – Cute and old fashioned, until she gets into bed.
Britney – Falsely improved, no use to society.
Brittany – considers everyone she meets to be an inferior to use as she sees fit.
Brook – Cool name, cool lady
Cait – Bow-legged country girl, really loves her horses.
Cali – evil, enjoys pulling the legs off young boys.
Callie – Dresses strangely, has psychopathic tendencies.
Camilla – replaces the word ‘yes’ with ‘ya’.
Cara – lazy girl, eats too much junk-food and yet doesn’t get fat – annoying.
Carie – just like the movie, a scary freak.
Carina – Looks like the back of a bus, doesn’t swallow.
Carla – Down to earth with good child-bearing hips.
Carly – Party animal until she gets too drunk to stand up.
Carol – Bubbly, life and soul of the party and the bedroom.
Caroline – Lard arse, shaves her ears, picks her nose and shops at oxfam.
Cassy – Giggles too much, bit of an air-head.
Catherine – Attracted to the older man, needs ironing.
Celine – Emits hideous noises, waste of DNA.
Chantelle – Chavette, tracksuits and bling is all there is.
Charis – Wears big baggy clothes and does so for valid reasons.
Charli – won’t even talk to a bloke unless he’s wearing a burberry baseball cap.
Charlotte – Enjoys tea and cake, farts the national anthem.
Chaz – life and soul of the party, plays the piano and then strips to her own music.
Chelsie – upmarket chav, says; “no right, I say right, etc”
Cheryl – Can fit hand in mouth, eats glass.
Chloe – Usually a weather-girl or a failed wannabe weather-girl.
Christine – Likes men in uniform, never warm.
Christina – Drop dead gorgeous and with a different bloke each night, well practiced.
Ciji – strange girl, sleeps with a vibrating teddy-bear.
Claire / Clare / Clair – Usually neurotic, gives good head but can have lesbian tendencies.
Caoilionn – looks good and talks dirty.
Colleen – dresses like a Great-Aunt on the outside, but wears wild underwear.
Constance – has an evil sense of humour, but only sometimes.
Corinne – Insanely curious about everybody and everything.
Courtney – Bit of a ‘tomboy’, rolls her own tampons.
Daisy – Virgin, works on a farm because she likes the way the tractor vibrates.
Danni – Always happy to make up a nice threesome, often brings her sister.
Danielle – Stunningly attractive, yet has a tendency to self-destruct.
Darlene – Country girl, will probably marry her first cousin and have 16 retarded children.
Davina – drug induced mental damage, should shave her neck.
Dawn – Gets up early, smells of chips.
Debra – Wannabe porn star
Debby – Experienced porn star.
Deborah – only really happy when tied up and being spanked..
Dee – Enormous mouth, gets a lot of work in porn movies.
DeeDee – cannot understand why no-one else masturbates in Ikea.
Denise – Sits on cats eyes, wears too much make up.
Desiree – dresses well, but doesn’t change her underwear often enough.
Destiny – Chav, chav, chav, chav, in fact the epitome of chavness.
Di – Party animal, forgets to breathe when talking.
Diana – Cuddly, which is a shame because she smells like cheese.
Diane – Enjoys company of animals. Deep as a puddle.
Dina – Always cheerful, wants everyone else to be as happy as she is.
Dolores – seems to know everything about everybody.
Donna – 70′s throw back, likes cabbage.
Dorthe – smells of fish, obsessed with over-sized sex toys.
Edith – dresses down, but mighty hot beneath.
Eileen – terrible flirt and yet shy deep down.
Éirin – smiles with her eyes, can keep a secret.
Elaine – Rides side saddle, drinks meths and likes sharp edges.
Eleanor – Very posh, always washing her hands, but likes her sex dirty.
Elisa – fun, fun, fun … and yet underneath very complex.
Elizabeth – Born to perform, hates chickens.
Ella – Fiery temper, but when she’s not shouting she’s as cute as a kitten.
Elle – tall and beautiful, just ask her.
Ellie – Far too attractive for the swear words that come out of her mouth.
Ellen – Could well have eaten all the pies.
Elly – enjoys cooking and always dates fat blokes.
Elma – Shy, easily dominated by men.
Elsa – Kind of old fashioned, but with beautiful big hair.
Emily – Wears odd socks, can have lesbian tendencies.
Emma – Gullible and easily swayed by a good looker!
Erminia – Small and graceful, slightly psychotic.
Estelle – Likes wombles, eats grass.
Esther – Plump with sagging breasts, normally heavily tattooed.
Eve – Shy timid creature until she has a drink, then she becomes very loud.
Evelyn – Friendly and reliable, but keeps a book with everybody’s name in it and marks them out of 10.
Evonne – Much happier now that the sex change operation was a success.
Faith – Legs meet at knees, can’t shag standing up.
Fae – Small and pretty, her mind seems always elsewhere.
Faye – Wears wellies, can’t swim.
Fee – Not very bright, talks fast to make up for it.
Felicity – One of the boys .. except that she has the most enormous nipples.
Fern – Posh with a large mouth, can hold a conversation whilst giving head.
Fiona – Female mud wrestler, badly needs a shave.
Fiyza – Very sexy, she knows it and she flaunts it
Florence – pretty, but sometimes too nice .. people tend to take advantage of her.
Francesca – Likes horses, not too fond of blokes.
Francess – A lovely lady even if she is as common as muck!
Frankie – Wears leather underwear, if it’s quiet you can hear her buzzing.
Freya – only really happy when inflicting pain on others.
Gabriel – An arse to die for but pads her bra with tissues.
Gail – Farts a lot, drinks Guinness.
Gayleen – Big tall woman who talks constantly about nothing at all.
Gayna – Big lady, straight, and yet still likes wearing dungarees.
Gaynor – Wannabe Lesbian but just can’t pull the girls.
Gemma – Talks too much, even during sex, even during oral sex!
Geraldine – Too posh for her own good, likes flying.
Gillian – Dyes her hair green, likes clubbing.
Gina – Eternal mother, eats nappies.
Glenda – Eats children, hates smoking.
Gloria – big hair, big breasts, big personality.
Georgia – Loves her cakes, would rather have gateau than sex.
Georgina – Wants to be a man and nearly there now..
Giselle – elegant and graceful, until she moves, then clumsy and uncomfortable.
Grace – petite and pretty, fucks like a rabbit.
Grainne – Giggles excessively, sometimes wets herself.
Gwyneth – Blubs a lot, wees in the bath.
Hannah – Needs to be naked at all times, eats kebabs.
Harriet – Wears tweed and green wellies to the pub.
Hayley – Pretty, likes fast cars and slow men.
Hazel – has piercing’s, wears black.
Heather – Shags like a freight train, bit of a screamer.
Helen – Hangs around with the wrong crowd, Kinky in bed, loves porn and is totally neurotic.
Helena – Likes to be in charge, wears a lot of black rubber.
Heidi – The hills are alive with the sound of music, likes gherkins, hates Nazis.
Hilary – Frigid.
Holly – very sexy, doesn’t take any crap from anyone.
Ilona – loves men, especially if they’re already with somebody else.
Imogen – Drinks tequila from the bottle, wets the bed.
Ingrid – Right wing Nazi tendencies, never smiles.
Iona – always carries a plastic carrier bag containing a bottle of strong cider.
Irena – Shrew and not tamed yet.
Isela – strange girl, kind of scary.
Isabel – Pretty lady who likes to be dominated, needs a man, any man.
Isobel – Motorbike gang leader, sells guns for pocket money.
Jackie – Heroin addict, sold her child to feed the habit.
Jaclyn – quiet for long periods and then every once in a while she goes nuts.
Jade – I once had a Jade, but hasn’t everybody??
Jalaine – Strange, introverted girl, secretly into plastic model airplanes.
Jamie – Gentle and yet with a very scary temper.
Janet – Massive over bite, no neck.
Jane – She’s hot and she knows it, a prick-teaser.
Janneke – small and quiet, but incredibly gifted in the bedroom.
Janice – Loud and over-the-top, tends to talk with her hands.
Janine – Always takes on the ‘mother role’ when in a group.
Jarla – Kinda like a female Ali-G only not as funny.
Jasmin – Smells of sewers, eats the heads off rats.
Jean – hangs around with old blokes and let’s them buy her stuff.
Jeanette – everyone’s favourite aunt, and yet strangely wicked in the bedroom.
Jemma – Does anal, wears too much eye make-up.
Jen – accident prone, especially around men she fancies.
Jenni – bone idle hence the tendency to shorten long words.
Jennifer – Huge breasts, should shave her legs more often.
Jeri – only owns one pair of knickers and they’ve never been worn.
Jessica – Always shags on the first date and sometimes even before it.
Jill – pretty tom-boy, tends to wear men’s clothes.
Jo – fit, and not just because she goes to the gym.
Joanna – a rarity, good in the kitchen and the bedroom.
Jocelyn – Scientific type, wears sandals with socks.
Joelle – Lively, exciting, jolly and fun … sometimes too much so!
Josephine – Likes to be tied up and teased.
Jodie – pretty and clever, therefore a bitch
Jody – Dresses like a boy and eats live frogs for breakfast.
Jordon – Wears a lot of make-up, nobody knows what she looks like.
Joyce – Never stops talking … for God’s sake shut up woman!
Judith – Big eyes, big tits, big problem with balance.
Judee – dresses up occasionally, but happiest in a shell-suit.
Judy – Huge tits, married to a retard.
Julia – Innocent face, don’t trust her, she’ll steal your wallet in five minutes
Juliet – Eats too many chips, has greasy hair and a hairy arse.
July – nice figure, nice personality.
June – high pitched voice, high self opinion, and yet will screw anything in trousers.
Justine – Massive tits, likes hanging around men’s toilets.
Julie – Likes outdoor sex, preferably with a chance of getting caught.
Kacie – cute and adorable, but prone to sulking.
Karen – Nice tits, shags like a rabbit.
Karly – not too bright but always means well, pretty in a tubby way.
Katharine – sexy, but can be a bit too noisy in bed
Kate – kisses with her tongue and can hold a conversation whilst doing it.
Katherine – old-fashioned girl, giggles when anyone mentions naughty words.
Kathryn – life and soul of any party until she falls asleep an hour before the end.
Katey – Tom boy, likes her sex dirty, usually outdoors.
Katie – likes blokes and team sports, preferably both together.
Kayleigh – The Lara Croft of Essex, great in bed (practice makes perfect)
Keira – person most likely to start a cult, related to Stalin.
Kelly – smells of cheese, slobbers when kissing.
Kelley – not very bright, can’t spell Kelly.
Kelsey – Very clever, wears glasses, boys scare her.
Kenya – Hot and wild, likes to get wet regularly.
Kerran – tries to be mysterious, but everyone has been there.
Kerry – pretty, cute, and changes underwear once a week.
Kiersten – very sexy to look at, hard to please in bed.
Kim – small and sexy, only into pretty boys.
Kimberley – wants to be a bloke, drinks like a bloke, farts like a bloke and swears loudly.
Kira – She’s very very hot, so it’s a shame about the lobotomy.
Kirsty – Will eat anything, can’t dance but thinks she can.
Krista – Cool and pretty, tends to daydream all day and sleepwalk all night.
Kristy – Shy until she gets drunk, prone to spots.
Kristen – Intellectually challenged, thinks Robot-Wars is cruel and should be banned.
Kristine – fairly pretty in an arrogant kinda way.
Kylie – Can’t sing but who cares … lovely arse.
Lana – Hated by her parents, accidental pregnancy.
Lara – Fun loving girl, but doesn’t find time for blokes..
Laura – Likes Nuts magazine, can’t drive. Dominatrix
Lauren – Pert breasts, seldom ventures out at night.
Leah – Likes outdoor sex, wees standing up.
Leanne – Eats a lot of raw meat, most guys are scared of her.
Leaine – Seems cute until she opens her mouth and starts swearing.
LeeAnn – Sexy and smiley, takes care of her man
Leigh – outdoorsy, which is where she likes her sex very noisily.
Lena – Eats food then throws up, rapidly shrinking.
Leonie – Tall girl who likes short boys, it’s a power thing.
Leslie – Likes bondage, hates men.
Leyla – Hot and horny, the girl that always will.
Liberty – free spirit and yet always there when she’s needed.
Lily – Makes a good friend, doesn’t take crap from anyone.
Linda – Teenage bride can swallow oranges whole.
Lindsey – Likes it doggy style, doesn’t do housework.
Linzi – kinda sweet and yet kinda deviant.
Lisa – enjoys money and is only turned on whilst watching porn.
Liz – Long legged and brainy.
Lizbeth – Sensible and serious, can talk without moving her lips.
Lois – Just wants to be loved but everyone seems to want to over-protect her.
Lori – cute, bundle of energetic fun.
Lorna – get’s picked on a lot for no obvious reason.
Lorraine – Constantly winges, will strip for a packet of jelly babies
Lorrie – Named after the vehicle she weighs the same as.
Louisa – sexy in a slappy sort of way.
Louise – Likes to get around, fantastic breasts.
Luci – cute and loveable
Lucy – Strange dancer, wants to marry her dad.
Lydia – hilarious, should seriously consider a career as a stand up comic.
Lyndsey – wears 2 pairs of knickers, won’t undress with the lights on.
Lynn – Funny and sexy, everything a bloke wants in a woman.
Lynne – Lovely girl but with appalling taste in men.
Lynnette – Has the attention span of a budgerigar, likes pretty things.
Madeleine – Mischievous with a smile that melts blokes.
Madeline – Drives like a bloke, likes tractors.
Madusa – Really likes men, preferably grilled with a side salad.
Maggie – Train spotter, likes plaid.
Mairi – Quiet and shy but incredibly clever, secretly planning to take over the world.
Mandy – Cute and cuddly, thick as a short plank.
Margaret – Lovely mother, very generous.
Maria – Bangs like a barn door.
Marie – Life sapping dominatrix. Likes men to do DIY.
Marina – No get up and go, rusty underwear.
Marion – stuffs her bra with tissue, a bit cross-eyed.
Marissa – not overly bright, falls for every chat-up line she hears.
Marolyn – Eats like a horse, out stays her welcome.
Marriah – doesn’t need anybody else so long as she has a mirror.
Marsha – Big butt, small brain.
Martha – enjoys cooking, a shame it’s always inedible.
Martina – Obvious lesbian and so proud of her life choices..
Martine – Can’t act, can’t sing, nice tits.
Mary – Likes men with long tongues and talented fingers.
Matilda – Likes dancing, mainly the waltz.
Mavis – seems nice until you notice the black cat, broomstick and pointed hat.
Meg – Cheesy smell, name really needs an S to start it.
Megan – quite pleasant until she loses her temper … then it’s time to run!
Meghan – Cold, hard-hearted bitch, enjoys upsetting little children.
Melanie – Can hold 2 bar vacuum orally indefinitely.
Melinda – Trailer trash … pretty, plump, and infected.
Melissa – Eats dogs, has been in prison 6 times for burglary.
Mercedes – pretends to be posh yet enjoys sleeping around.
Meryl – Dances like an ape, doesn’t realise.
Mia – Cute, small, sexy, but mostly just annoying.
Michaela – Likes animals, should make a video with them.
Michelle – Wears white stilettos, dances round her handbag.
Mikayla – Petite and shy, doesn’t realise how pretty she is.
Miriam – prim and proper, kinda fussy.
Mojdeh – Not very bright but doesn’t realise … so shhhhh …
Molly – Pretty and naive, would like to be slimmer, wears clothes with too many flowers.
Monica – Control freak, but very pretty so we’ll let her off.
Monique – cool, calm, collected and probably drunk.
Morven – Very very loud and doesn’t see to realise it.
Nadine – Stunt Lady, can drink any bloke under the table! Don’t mess with her.
Naomi – Wannabe diva, more of a diver.
Nancy – White hair, pays for her real ale in old money.
Narelle – Likes dressing up as a French maid but not French.
Natalie – Eats with her mouth open, farts the Nokia phone tune.
Natasha – Had seven kids before age 17, needs ironing.
Nell – Hasn’t realised WWII has ended, lives in Kent.
Nephie – Pretty, smiles a lot, not very bright.
Niamh – Quiet and cute, secretly wears men’s under-wear.
Nicci – Pretty, blonde, nicely dressed and vacant.
Nichola – quiet, studious type, wears glasses, a tiger in bed.
Nicola – Slapper, alcoholic in denial.
Nicole – small sweet and with nice hair, should wear underwear more often.
Niki – wannabe mysterious spy but not bright enough.
Nikki – wannabe lap-dancer, got good rhythm.
Nina – Stuffs her bra with tissues, been single for years.
Nissa – speech impediment causes her to hiss, fond of reptiles.
Olga – You can park a bike in her arse crack, excessive facial hair.
Olive – usually accompanied by a couple of people in white coats.
Olivia – Gorgeous and knows it, has to sew herself into her trousers..
Olwyn – stupid name, welsh, just unlucky I guess.
Paige – Normally much too serious, but giggles a lot in bed.
Pamela – Gives amazing head, made of plastic.
Patricia – Obsessive about appearances, yet denies that she’s shallow.
Pat – short and common, one of the lads and a bit of a laff.
Paula – Transvestite merchant banker from Basildon.
Peggy – Wears outdated clothes and will only do missionary position.
Penelope – Pitstop queen, likes her men to be stiff.
Peta – Rough and tough, seriously into bondage.
Phillippa – Forest forager, likes wild boar.
Phyllis – Thinks sex is dirty, always washing her hands.
Polly – nice girl with really bad dress-sense, fashion disaster, it’s a shame.
Priscilla – likes painting with oils, Duckhams mainly.
Preya – can’t cook or clean but good in bed.
Prudence – sensible girl, wears flat shoes, but will shag anything in trousers.
Rachel – Amazing gravity defying breasts, can grip a tenner in her arse cheeks.
Rebecca – Hairy armpits, orgasms without contact.
Rebekah – Not very bright, pretty, but sometimes forgets to bathe.
Robbie – Fun loving tom-boy with a cheeky smile.
Roberta – Takes herself much too seriously, could be a fun loving tom-boy.
Robyn – Sexy with an arse to die for.
Renee – Huge breasts, but wishes blokes would notice her mind.
Rhiannon – big and strong, prone to violence.
Riza – clever and funny, makes some blokes feel threatened.
Romany – Wild and beautiful, swings both ways.
Rosalind – Upper-class lady but works as a secret agent when the government needs her.
Rose – Can be prickly, gives good head.
Rosemary – Very shy, nearly always seen with a bright red face.
Roz – Only enjoys sex when she’s tied up and blindfolded.
Rula – She measures up well.
Ruth – Has stretch marks around her mouth.
Sadie – Stand up if you’re slim, please stand up.
Sally – Drives a Mustang, fights in pubs.
Samantha – Loves her brother, has 4 deformed children.
Sammy – likes to be the centre of attention, clumsy.
Sandra – Shags donkeys for fun, bow legged.
Sara – Air-head, with a gorgeous body to compensate.
Sarah – Likes pressed flowers and body piercing.
Sarah-Jane – ‘posh’ girl, will screw anything in a BMW.
Sasha – dresses like a bloke, screws like a rabbit.
Scarlett – stunningly beautiful and with a temper like a nuclear explosion.
Selina – Doesn’t wear pants, heavy laundry bills.
Shanice – Likes bling, not that bothered about knickers.
Shannon – Beautiful, curvaceous, should be a model.
Sharna – The original bitch queen, uses everyone she meets.
Sharon – Loud; clothes, jewelry, attitude, in fact everything.
Shauna – Lives in a trailer, has 16 kids each with a different surname.
Sheila – Group Aunt, organises stuff and people very efficiently.
Shelby – wants to be a cowboy, mainly for the horses and shooting people.
Shelly – very cute, but a bit of a soft-hearted slapper.
Sheree – Cute, but very loud! desperately needs a volume control.
Shyan – wears lots of track-suits with fag-holes in them.
Shirley – Can swallow a Curly Whirly whole, likes bananas.
Shiva – tries to fit in, but only really succeeds at the weekend S&M parties.
Shona – Librarian by day, exotic dancer by night.
Siobhan – Ginger Minger with a severe wind problem.
Sinead – Wears big knickers and a vest, but is secretly very sexual.
Sian – Does great sheep impression, hates mint sauce.
Silka – Appears shy, but secretly Miss Whiplash the dominatrix.
Silke – Only ever has sex outdoors near her favourite tree.
Simone – Used to be a shot putter from Cardiff.
Siri – Mischievous, but great fun to be around.
Sonya – Dirty lady of the night. Often referred to as a “carrier”.
Sophia – Beautiful girl with long legs, a shame her arse is the size of a small country.
Sophie – Brothel manager because she’s too ugly to be a working girl.
Stacey – Likes cut off jeans and arseless Speedo’s.
Steffi – Closet lesbian, maintains heterosexual relationship for effect.
Stella – reassuringly expensive, she’s worth every penny!
Stephanie – Eats Muppets, wears Brogues.
Sue/Susanne – should shave more often, wears Denim aftershave. Very fertile.
Summer – wears flowers in her hair, a pretty dress, and no knickers.
Sylvia – loves the outdoors. Mad.
Taleah – nature lover, prefers animals to men.
Tamara – dominatrix and swings both ways.
Tammy – Kind-hearted and generous, particularly in the bedroom.
Tanya – Hot minx, a bit too short.
Tara – Upper class slapper, enjoys random chemicals.
Taylah – life and soul of the party, particularly naked parties.
Taylor – wears too much jewelry and not enough blouse.
Teresa – surprisingly small given the amount of alcohol she drinks.
Teri – fun and flirty, sometimes annoyingly bouncy!
Tessa – bubbly, warm and great company, also fairly easy on the eyes.
Thelma – usually grumpy, only comes to life when bitching about other people.
Therese – wears 2 pairs of knickers when she goes out … just in case.
Tiffany – likes short skirts and low tops, spends a lot of time in front of a mirror.
Tina – Face like a smacked arse, should eat less.
Tori – Lives in a hedge, can’t water ski.
Tracy – Easily swayed by alcohol. Mostly seen without underwear. Loves kittens.
Tracey – Wears a lot of pink, wants to be a lesbian cos she thinks that would be cool.
Trinity – very sexy and yet without being too pretty
Trudy – Genuinely nice lady, everybody loves her.
Tysan – From a long line of chavs, had 11 grandchildren by the age of 28.
Ursula – Likes puppies, usually in a hot curry.
Val – usually drunk, doesn’t know where her knickers are.
Valerie – quaint and old-fashioned, someone’s aunt.
Vanessa – Beautiful, power-crazy bitch.
Vera – favourite Aunty, smells faintly of lavender.
Veronica – closet lesbian who sleeps around to prove she isn’t!
Vicky – Likes Yoga. And Women.
Victoria – everybody loves her but not as much as she loves herself.
Vikki – Drinks anything so long as it’s got vodka in it.
Wendy – works on a building site, possibly a man.
Yasmin – Talks loud and fast, thinks she’s gorgeous.
Yvette – slightly timid, until she loses her temper and then watch out.
Yvonne – control freak and yet crap at everything she does.
Zakia – Wants to be a spy when she grows up, but needs to wash more often.
Zoe – Talentless rock chick. Prepared to use sex as a weapon.
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Published on August 13, 2009 | Filed Under Laughs
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No Katrina?
Katrina ~~ Loves to shag……………all your friends.
Are you kidding me? You missed one of the most common names: Jessica..
I just found out my sister is a dominatrix… disturbing.
jessica- always hot, always crazy
deep and insightful, thank you
This sucked, the only saving grace were the pictures
what, no sydney?
What about Trista?!
Lacey??? (Or should I even ask…)
Lacey – innocent on the outside, nympho on the inside
Trista – Fort Knox has less security than her knickers
Sydney – she doesn’t get called ‘the bike’ for her cycling skills
No Logan??
No Jillian and Kendall!
what about Kia
How about Zarah?
noor ~ hot but will f**k you up if you f**k with her
What about “Sierra”?
Sierra – MILF; unfortunately not interested in guys
Names you should add:
Gretchen
Keep in mind this is my mother you’re talking about.
But really, I just want to see what you can come up with. I don’t find this page offensive at all! It’s hilarious!
U need to add Shandra, April, Sabrina, and Adrian so I can make fun of them. Oh and a list of guy names with meanings too
LOL
you missed Eloisa and ZaDonna to name a few
Angelina — Hottie with a drug habit.
Brandy — Swallows.
Candice — Beautiful but asexual.
Dhalia — F**ks the pain away.
Eva — Out of everyone’s league.
Faunia — Cold, hard capitalist.
Gigi — Uses teeth.
Harlow — Will sleep with your dad.
Imani — Enjoys group sex.
Jessie — Will f**k for popularity or a promotion.
Kitty — Gold-digger.
Lola — Total brat but a great lay.
Minnie — Dresses like a slut but is actually frigid.
Natalia — As cold as her 10AM Mimosas.
Oprah — Will f**k you with a strap-on.
Portia — Pillow princess.
Qiana — Paranoid and possessive.
Raquel — Nymphomaniac with a guilt complex.
Sunny — Plays dumb but is an evil genius.
Teryl — Holier-than-thou nag.
Umi — The marrying kind.
Vivian — Repulsed by oral.
Whoopi — Hermaphrodite.
Xaviera — The best you’ve ever had.
Yolanda — Says she’s bisexual but has never been with a man.
Zenobia — May pick your pocket.
No Elise or Felizitas ….no that the Feliztas is nessicary BUT ELISE!
no rhona either
Elise – lies about her age and has false teeth
Rhona – posh redhead with padlocks on her knickers
nicee ..
what there is no
Dalaney??
you sure know a lot of strippers and hookers man…. nice compilation
You have too much time on your hands and I suspect have never had sex.
Misty??
And do a guys list!
lmao thank`s
and nice pictures.
Love this. lol. I can kind of sing… nahh.
what about
india?
indi?
kiki?
I take it you have never slept with a Jenna.
Very sexual and loves to please.
I don’t think you have ever had sex. Mabey you just watch too much porn.
Idiot.
You are right that Jenna isn’t on my list which is disappointing if she’s very sexual and loves to please.
I have eleven kids so that rules out the no sex thing… as for porn, there’s only so much porn 1 man can watch.
Slut.
are you f**king kidding me? all of these name descriptions are baseless made up garbage you filled this page with to get traffic. f**k you guy.
Juliana:
I know my name is not common…. at least not in english… more a brasilian version of the italian…. but can you do it?….or I’ll just take my middle name =)
C(h)ristina – Drop dead gorgeous and with a different bloke each night, well practiced. (lol)
Juliana – big boobed nympho who is happiest when performing oral sex
Oh boy.. Can my parents pick a name or what? (LOL)
Where’e my name?? “Whitney”
Whitney – Good looking, hot body – complete tease
Now then, what about Myra?
What about Kadee? There is no KADEE.
Kadee = dirty bitch, swallows and wants more
i sware by the girls i know they seem to mattch the description by they name. this might be true.
“_”
Lucinda?
Cindy?
What abt Cherri?
Give your take on my name. Maeva (I’m French). Might as well do my middle name “Nikita” as well. What with the other Niki names, I won’t be surprised if this one turns out ugly haha!
Great list btw, very funny and original. Some people really have to learn to take a joke =P
Maeva – the perfect partner for a menage a trois… if only she had a twin
Nikita – good looking and tarty, will give you the ride of your life.
Phoebe o.o ?
Here’s a few more from the comments list…
Lucinda – great boobs, in fact she’s got fabulous tits.
Cindy – two faced, thinks she’s great in bed when in truth she’s like a dead fish
Cherri – thinks she can sleep her way to the top… on top is the best it gets
Myra – has a broom stick and a cauldron in her cupboard
Misty – the perfect mistress
Dalaney – picture the ugliest chick in your class / office… is her name Dalaney? No? Ask her middle name…
Phoebe – bi-sexual and prefers woman to men but on occasion when she’s had a few wines some lucky guy will get to take her home
where is,,,,,,, Jekaterina or Jolanta ?
LOL, I tell ya what, my name is Amyy and I do love a man without trousers LMAO, and I do love being on top, in every aspect! Woohoo, this is great, I love this list lol lol
I have a list for men…ready? No matter what their name they are all the same….selfish cheating lying little prix. They wine you and dine you until they have shown you once again they can’t even measure their stick. Regardless of that when your emotions set in and sympathy overflows hoping he will change, that’s when you will learn that according to him, you are always to blame. After all his one job takes up so much of his time from his beer drinking and hanging with friends..why can’t you work, cook, clean, and look good every day by the time the football game ends? Don’t bother expecting that same pile of cash he spent on you when at first you will meet
, you will argue and fight because money is tight because he’s giving it to the slut down the street……thanks from low iq Amanda
Slow down there Amanda…. has your man done the dirty on you? Is that why you are so mad?
Lol ….. I do think your list is funny though. But have a question. What is the sexiest name for a woman? Ugh! No porn names. A real name.
How about Regan? What do you think?
Regan – likes to think she’s a good girl, she’s not
what about lissy?
this is sick dude your a legend
What about Sanchia?
how bout guadalupe?
o.o would mine be the same as ashlee? and what about Cathandria….
How about-
Jordan?
Macy?
Tyler?
OMG…. MY NAME IS RENEE…. AND…… I… DO HAVE HUGE BREASTS.
haha you forgot
sunny/sonny/sunie~ crazy,wild emo who gives great head hot as hell and is naughty all the time,and a great shagg
The Best name a girl could have ; )
what about Chelsea?? you missed that name
What about the beautiful name Meadow !!
P.s. the dead fish is f**king funny i give you props!!
You left out Jessica, and Emmy
im a little bit suprised no one has even mentioned the name bailey
He ha ha, just seen my name and that’s very true! Nothing like a bit of al fresco!
bailey – typical strumpet… hits a 9 out of 10 on the tease-omiter. However she is good on top.
how about regina ?
I read about four of the names then just went through the pictures.
I love mine…It fits me well! Thank you.
What about ALYSA? I hate when (uh-lee-sah) is replaced by ALYSSA.
I DONT SEE ALYSA
Montserrat/Montse – compleatly delusional. takes it up the arse on her mother’s bed.
Good luck with trying to find something for Janna.
Janna is the queen of dirty but only for a select few. To everyone else she is a stuck up bitch. You don’t pick Janna, she picks you and doesn’t take no for an answer… has been known to stalk her pray, be very careful if you know a Janna and you are happily married.
I was just wondering how about Heidy spelt with a y?
Heidy is usually a leggy blonde who loves hotpants, mini skirts and men. Drives men wild with her teasing ways and is a contender for some office sex.
sam and amara !
What about Inga?
I’m looking for the sexiest names after seeing some dumb article and get this, first hahahahahahaha You are a bit disturbed and totally sexist but hilarious but as being one of the most popular, loved names out there….NO Crystal? Be kind
Angelina — Hottie with a drug habit.
So accurate it’s scary.
What about pauline?? These meanings r rather accurate lol x
Pauline – moody bitch, always complaining. It’s like she is on her bad week, every week.
wat about kaela?
kaela – foxy tart with a great ass who loves who love giving and receiving oral.
Ashleigh – different to the one above.
Scott Thomas type, girl’s public school, you spend your whole life screwed by her unattainablity.
I’ll bite, what does the name “Rani” mean?
Rani – kids on she is shy when in reality she is man daft. Like Miss Butterfly…
What about Ester ?
Easy Ester as all the boys know her… she is loud, brash and ballsy. Most Ester’s have short hair and half wear glasses.
Loud is probably the one word I’d use to describe Ester.
what about aspa
aspa – quiet and shy type. a wee bit geeky too. good arm candy but she is never gonna blow your mind, never.
What about Lexie??
Lexie – happy go lucky with the sexual appetite of a starved dog. The only problem is she only puts out to a select few. Such a pity as she rides like a porn star. Did I mention her oral skills???
No Briana,Casey or Reanna Wow.
Casey – girl who love to have sex with virgins and it’s all about her.
Reanna – village bike sleeps with any guy to get a head.
Briana – Beautiful nymphomaniac
I hate jane. She is my sister & extremely extremely irritating. My life is so beautiful without her… Its just feel suicidal as soon as she arrives.
Is this only about sex?… I thought there was more to females, let alone LIFE, than sex.
Someone has too much time on their hands.
Alexandra i didn’t mention sex when I covered your name.
As for there being more to females than sex… of course there is. How about cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids and all that stuff? It’s not just about sex, a woman has many other roles to fulfill in her duties as a wife and mother.
LOL… okay, who is gonna bite first?
Kethice-cute loving sexy perfect awesome
i have to say some of the names fit with the people i no, but id have to say not with mine never had any complaints off the lads ive been with for my kissing or for anything else for that matter , but very original, would love to see one on men pretty please
.. ps i have shower s so i must be the exception on the smelling of cheese bit lol nice one very different and made me laugh
my name is Marita!! what abt it?
long legs and a beautiful ass… sexy as hell when she wears glasses.
Howa Bout Cydni Sound Sweet With A Dirty Side
what about Lynsey?
your really funny lol
Lynsey… blonde with an ass to die for and boy does she know it. Get her drunk and good times await the lucky fella
Can you do keli?
Thanksss bro(;
Keli – a bit of a tease who loves to show off her cleavage.
what about ‘Talon”!
Yo’.
People are saying that people need to ‘take a joke’ and shit, but TBH. I find this website very f**king sexist. And it ain’t a f**king joke. I HATE sexist people, there is NO point. Everyone’s bloody equal, you nutjob. No f**king point pisstaking at women. Half of them definitions are probably made up, and f**king hell. Man, you p*ssed me off, big time. x||.
And the pictures? Women are f**king MORE than sex. MORE than cooking. MORE than feeding the kids. MORE than all of that. SO BACK THE F**K OFF. Bellend.
Inabizzle, SEXIST BITCHES.
So you find me offensive and sexist I HATE SEXIST PEOPLE?
Did you read through the comments and see how many women actually asked me to do their names?
Lighten up and stop being so serious and while you take a moment to think about your foul mouthed rant perhaps washing your mouth out with a bar of soap may go someway to help you realise that your moth and mind are foul – which some people may find offensive but you are too stupid to realise this.
well i see Niamh but what about Nia…=(
Can you do mine? And that’s crazy, you have Nell on here which is one of my nicknames, and I call people Nazi all the time, and also coincidently…I live in Kent. Lmfao. That girl needs to lighten the hell up though, the pictures were hot, and the names are just for fun, you prewarned about being offensive in the very beginning, if she already knew what to expect…why did she read it? Lol.
jennel – bit of a vamp with BIG opinions that she loves to share with the entire room, even when sober.
Best thing to do is stick something in her mouth to keep her quiet. She will def give you a good hoovering and with happily swallow what you feed her.
What about Roxanne and Maxeen? Oh and Katy
Roxanne – sexy and she knows it. Enjoys a threesome more often than she’d admit.
Maxeen – big mouth and way to much to say for herself. Needs reminding those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Oh yeah, almost forgot to say she will sleep with anyone after a bottle of beer. Loosest knickers in town.
Katy – a tease of the highest order… owns several vibrators and has been known to use two at once on occasion..
How about Remy, Ciara, Caitlin and Riley?
P.S. Stop digging through my purse.
Can you do Karina…thanks
What about Tamilla?
Can u please do Erin
i want to do sex with jactina
i like you.your funny.do My name please
p.s mail me.xx.lol.jker
How about Joline?
hay man what about me
am I cute sexy or dirty lol Thanks
What about Logan?????????
what can you come up wit for my unique name STACIA……. im anxious to see what you think lol give it to me lol
You want me to give it to you???
your words, not mine lol.
Stacia… offers herself to strangers for meaningless but very lusty sex hahaha!!!!
High sex drive and not shy to slip her hand downstairs to take care of herself when no well hung men are available to take care of her needs.
I reali ke this one Grace – petite and pretty, fucks like a rabbit.
Its a realy true, because my name is Grace and that why I am < < link to escort site removed >>
well grace, if you really are a call girl then Im looking for a freebie just like you were with your website link.
Hey can you do my name? Kassandra? Thanks
Kassandra acts like a good girl but is really a devil inside.
Also has a kinky side… and likes to be in control. Has a secret stash off handcuffs and whips. Also needs a regular supply of batteries for her vibrator as she doesn’t put out as much as she really wants to. That good girl thing again.
Hi, can you do my name, Denise?
Thanks
In the main list above…. or are you looking for something more naughty? lol
What about Megan?
so funny
my friends kinda matches your description..lol
how about my name?
good!
how about ‘Roma’?
Miranda wasn’t on there, thought that was a common name, can u do mine? Please anthank u
Miranda – stuck up and loves herself, a “who is looking at me?” type. Not bad between the sheets if you can manage to prise her legs open.
Very entertaining & amusing. Based on my experience alone some were spot on and some were way off base. Made me laugh – some ppl need to lighten up and not take like so seriously…”no one gets out alive anyway”
My profile was brief but I do like men in uniform (apart from Cops!) and I am always cold.
Love to see a male version
Love to know if your profiles are based on your personal experiences or something else? (completely made up just for kicks?)
Any profiles on Billi, Val, Caz, Rylee or Stella?
I want to know…what am i do…. shay??
can u do shay?
Bahahaha that was good for a giggle
especially like the ones who are ‘pretty sure you made these up’. LMAO are these people for real?? Thanks to all the ranters. You make me feel like I have a very superior intelligence 
hahaha. Djmick=a self centered
Love it!! You can ‘DO’ me anytime !!
, over sexed, potbellied, self proclaimed comedian
Sherri-Lynn send me a photo so I can ‘DO’ you…
djmick@gmail.com
This was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen, but my name was not really accurate…I could care less about my hair, and my friends tell me that I put everyone before myself. But, my biggest sexual fantasy involves a bathroom. lmfao
What About Kesha?
Kesha – a nymph that rides like a porn star – loves sex more than anything else in life.