20 Comical Quotes About The English Language

Published by Stickboy on February 15th, 2011


Here’s an amusing list that arrived via email from Fiona U who thought the rest of the StickboyDaily readers would enjoy it as much as she did. And I’m on about the list, no innuendo intended.

“Our language is funny – a ‘fat chance’ and a ‘slim chance’ are the same thing.” – J. Gustav White

“If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.” – Doug Larson

“Why do we have noses that run and feet that smell?” – Author Unknown

“The word ‘good’ has many meanings. For example, if a man were to shoot his grandmother at a range of five hundred yards, I should call him a good shot, but not necessarily a good man.” – G. K. Chesterton

“The two most beautiful words in the English language are ‘check enclosed.’” – Dorothy Parker

“The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian ‘pahks’ his ‘cah,’ the lost ‘r’s migrate southwest, causing a Texan to ‘warsh’ his car and invest in ‘erl wells.’” – Author Unknown

“‘I am’ is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that ‘I do’ is the longest sentence?” – George Carlin

“The English language has a deceptive air of simplicity; so have some little frocks; but they are both not the kind of thing you can run up in half an hour with a machine.” – Dorothy L. Sayers

“What is the shortest word in the English language that contains the letters: abcdef? Answer: feedback. Don’t forget that feedback is one of the essential elements of good communication.” – Author Unknown

“English grammar is so complex and confusing for the one very simple reason that its rules and terminology are based on Latin, a language with which it has precious little in common.” – Bill Bryson

“Making English grammar conform to Latin rules is like asking people to play baseball using the rules of football.” – Bill Bryson

“The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.’” – Ronald Reagan

“In my sentences I go where no man has gone before… I am a boon to the English language.” – George W. Bush

“Introducing ‘Lite’ – The new way to spell ‘Light’, but with twenty percent fewer letters.” – Jerry Seinfeld

“England and America are two countries separated by a common language.” – George Bernard Shaw

“Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.” – Robert Benchley

“When I read some of the rules for speaking and writing the English language correctly, I think any fool can make a rule, and every fool will mind it.” – Henry David Thoreau

“I speak two languages: Body and English.” – Mae West

“Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian.” – H. L. Mencken

“Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.


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